An Open Letter from Gnarl
After the destruction of our last Overlord, the land was in a state of pastoral bliss. Filled with pleasant conversation and tinkly niceness. It was all so very… dull.
Evil, it seemed, was on its last legs. We Minions searched high and low until we found our salvation.
All that remained was to find the right evil candidates. Dead evil candidates.
The brutal Inferna, legendary warrior, crushed in aggressive altercations with rock trolls.
Devilish necromancer Malady who extinguished her own life in return for a nefarious dark curse.
Dwarven rogue Hakon and dark elf Prince Cryos – killed by each other’s hand. A two-for-one evil bargain!
And so with the resurrection of these dark champions we begin to spread a little chaos again.
Deviousness and destruction abound as these doers-of-dastardly-deeds combine their maniacal talents! For they must reluctantly work together to overcome the challenges ahead, as they embark on… a little fancy of mine… the Trials of Evil… (TM!)
These undead servants of the dark arts, resurrected in the absence of a true Overlord… This “Fellowship of Evil” made up of our four freshly revived and foul smelling Netherghūls need to work together and try not to kill each other while maintaining an expected level of evil. They’ll need to destroy all that is good on their way through the Netherworld and unleash hell on the world above!
I’ll be sending some of my best… adequate… poorly trained minions along to assist. I trust you will kick, smash and crush them into shape. The blues will do their best to keep your blackened heart beating; the greens will sneak up behind your enemies and poison them, while it seems the reds now show little disregard for their own safety and I’m starting to wonder if providing them with explosives was a good idea! Finally we have the browns; they will… well… let’s just say the browns are the browns.
Not content with their fossil fuelled chariots those dimwits at Codemasters have decided there is a buck to be made from our quest to restore the balance of evil and have signed their souls over to us in what I believe will be a rather lucrative licensing agreement. We’ve enlisted the assistance of the only human we trust to help make sure those meat sacks don’t make a mess of it and sent the devilishly evil Mistress of Scrolls Rhianna Pratchett to their cute little farmhouse to keep them in check.
Ricket, our blacksmith, informs me that construction on our new lair should be ready during this solar rotation and you’ll require the ownership of an Xbox One, PlayStation 4 or PC if you wish to enter… We’re trying to set up a games area in the Netherdeep you see and PlayStation Pin bowling requires a large number of “pins” when the reds are around.
I have also acquired one of your human glow slates as I’m told it is a much easier way of getting you all to voluntarily follow us. Those loyal to spreading evil and the restoration of our Overlord will be spared… Maybe.
Evil always finds a way. But sometimes it needs a bit of a nudge.